Hitchhikers Guide to the Fanfics
by SpeedyGonzales1
Summary: A rather good and funny spinoff from the Hitchhikers guide, Please read it and tell me what you think! I promise to update.
1. Chapter 1

**Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy-Extra bit**

_**What I believe should've happened anyway**_

Just to let you know, all this is doing is using the names and places from the Original Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and has no relevance whatsoever to anything from Mostly Harmless or anything that comes after it.

_So don't try to lynch me._

_Please._

_I have a family._

_NoooOoOooOoOo_

_I have written this in the style of which the book is read the Radio series, not as a proper book._

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy lists a number of common misconceptions commonly misconcepted by people who are (commonly) susceptible to misconceptions.

1: God's came about a week before the Universe. Wrong.

2: It is not possible to witness the Universe ending and you would die along with it. Wrong.

3: It is not possible to actually like Tea. Apparently Incorrect, (Although this has yet to be confirmed by expert tasters all around the galaxy) as the ape descendant Arthur Dent desperately tries to get across.

4: Good books should always be made into films. Wrong.

Our story begins in the chartered middle-section of the Universe (Although this is of course impossible as the Universe is infinite) with a young frood who happens to have lost his towel.

"Hello, Excuse me? Have you seen my towel? It's a navy sort of blue with green edges, No? Oh well…. Excuse me!" And so forth.

This young Frood is disconcertingly called Ford Prefect (For reasons that, after the Earth had been demolished no-one will seriously understand), and, not only has he lost his towel (Which any self-respecting hitchhiker will know is essential in any situation) but he has lost his pet friend, an ape (descendant) as well. Therefore the reason for his next question,

"Excuse me? Have you seen a rather gormless looking earthman wandering around here? About **this** tall? He might be looking at your genitals accidentally, but don't worry. He isn't interested in…. oooo errr. Sorry about that mate, I wasn't concentrating…No I don't wish to have goolar frumpnics with you, I'm sorry… No really, it's quite alright."  
This particular Earthman, Arthur Dent, is not currently conversing about goolar frumpnics, but is talking in an incomprehensible language, known to most as "That of the Drunk Man"

"And den ma pwanet got all bwon up wather wike a chwismas twee and I'm wather upset about it. It weally weally annoying."

There are some things wrong with that sentence;

1: Arthur Dents home planet was not actually a planet, but rather a super computer devised by the ancient magratheans and Deep Thought (Another computer) to calculate the Ultimate question to the Ultimate answer of Life, the Universe, and Everything. (Which just so happens to be 42)

2: He does not sound drunk; this is an error on my part for which I am profoundly not sorry.

3: The rest of it is true though.

4: No, Arthur Dent is not 3 years old.

It is at this point that Ford Prefect enters the pub looking rather surprised to see both Arthur and his towel, to which Arthur seems to be having a conversation with.

"Ah there you are Arthur!" Exclaimed Ford, "I've been looking all over for you!"

" I tink you ought to know **hic**, I'm feeling vewwy…"

"Depressed? Oh don't start, we've only just got rid of that awful robot, please don't bring him back with memories. And before you say anything, nobody said anything about life."

"Oh…"

Arthur Dent has just been drinking Pan Galactic gargle blasters, which, as all of you know after Zaphod Beeblebrox's infamous galactic party last year, is pretty heavy stuff.

It is at precisely the moment Arthur Dent say "Oh…" that, at that precise moment, there is a big crash, bang, and a wallop thrown in for good measure at the Bar entrance just behind Ford.

As the dust cloud begins to calm it seems that the reason for this is the entrance of a very egotistical young frood.

Who is this young frood?

Why was there a wallop thrown in for good measure.

Why didn't Ford Prefect want Arthur to say anything about Life?

Is there any point to this story at all?

Find out in the next exciting installment of... The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.


	2. Fit the 2nd

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy fit the 2nd

By Speedy Gonzales

So, Here is part 2, in which (perhaps) we will find out the identity of the mysterious frood who so rudely barged in the previous fit, and perhaps why Arthur and Ford are stranded on this mysterious planet.

_The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of Crash, Bang's and wallops. Stay Away. Generally noises of this kind are created by young men who think they are too good to dine with Gods and therefore opt to dine alone. Many types of these Crash's are loud and upsetting on the eardrum, and may cause your Babel fish to excrete a jumble of telepathic frequencies, generally translated;_

"_If you don_'_t stop that damned noise I will crap on your brain. I mean it." This is exactly what Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect heard._

_They both immediately tried to stop the noise._

"Hey you there!" Cried Arthur, "What exactly do you think you are doing?!" (This little one-sided conversation with the Babel fish had quickly sobered him up.) "My Babel fish has threatened to crap in my brain and I don't particularly like the idea of that."

"**It would have to be a damned fine shot to hit something that small…Gives me a headache just trying to see it." **Droned a voice in the background.

"Oh no!" Cried Ford, "Not that damned robot again!"

**"Oh don't mind me, I'm just staying here in the corner out of sight where no-one will be able to see me, even if they wanted to, which I very much doubt as nobody likes me very much anyway… In fact, I know that everyone hates me, I don't even need to look into your brainwave patterns for that…"**

_It should now be mentioned that the frood who managed to cause so much controversy earlier, is now currently trying to leave, most probably because of the arrival of the Manically Depressed robot Marvin._

"**I can even see Zaphod Beeblebrox trying to leave unnoticed, of course he won't be unnoticed by my exceptionally large mind, Its the size of a planet you know. Oh why do I bother, nobody ever listens to me,"**

_Does this mean the mysterious Frood is Zaphod?_

_Does this mean this fit is already over?_

_And des Marvin really have a brain the size of a planet?_

_Find out tomorrow in "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Fit the 3rd"_


	3. Fit the 3rd

Hitchhikers Guide-Fit the 3rd

_About 10 millionths of a second have passed since our previous encounter with the earthman Arthur Dent, the betelgeuse-ian Ford Prefect, Marvin the Paranoid Android and the Inter-galactic president, Zaphod Beeblebrox. _

"Zaphod? Is that really you?!" Ford cried, "I thought you'd died, evaporated, vanished off the face of the galaxy!"

Zaphod looked at him,

"Who told you that? Last time I checked I was perfectly fine and...oh. You brought along the ape as well?"

"Hey! I have a name you know!"  
"Yeah sure, whatever monkey man."

"**If I might be able to make a suggestion..."**

"Oh shut up, damned robot." Ford was beginning to get exasperated.

_The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of exasperation._

_Emotion._

_The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of emotion._

_A bloody Pain in the Ass._

It is at the moment that Ford Prefect says "Robot" that there is ANOTHER Crash, Bang and Wallop, and it is at that same point that the Babelfish in all 3 life forms worth mentioning here, decides to crap in their heads.

_The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of Babelfish crap._

_Avoid, if at all possible. It is one of the most excruciating torments in the Galaxy, second only to the Total Prespective Vortex. This is the reaction it got from Arthur_

"Oh. Hello. What's thiiiii...AARGH MMPH NNYE NYE ARRRGH"

_And the reaction from Zaphod_

"Hey there Boy, Dont you be trying... Aaaargh!"

_And the reaction from Ford_

"Well, at least it's not Vogon poetry."

**"Nobody ever listens to me, I was about to tell you what was about to happen, but nobody ever listens to Marvin. It's always, 'Marvin, Do this' or 'Marvin, can you pick up that mobile phone?' Can I pick up that mobile phone, here I am, Brain the size of a planet and they ask me to pick up a mobile phone. Damn beings."**

It should probably be known now, what the cause of the other Crash, Bang and Wallop was. And for the information of you, the reader, it shall be revealed that the cause is not another sentient being, but in fact, a rather large, splendid looking spaceship, with an improbability drive, Named - The Heart of Gold.

"Whoooaaaaaah." Zaphod shouted, "That sounds llike ma ship!"

"**_Put your hands in the air and exit slowly! This is the police and we've come for Mr. Beeblebrox"_**

****"Awwww, That sounds like the police." Zaphod sounded upset.

_The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of Law Enforcement types._

_Normally, those involved with enforcing the law are dumb, heartless and Moronic people (Although this is not always the case-See Primary phase of the Radio Series) who wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a googelfrinchem and a zarquin fireblaster. Those who apply for the job are given one statement, and they are told to reply as they see fit. The statement is this;_

_Do not reply to this._

_Those who DO reply, are taken in by the law and trained, whereas those who listen to the statement, and as such, do not reply, are told to go Zark off._

_**"**_**Oh wow, you certainly are an observant one, I can see that you don't need me, I think I'll just be going now..."**

"Oh no no no no no! You robot, you are coming with us." Ford grabbed Marvins arm, and threw him out of the window, towards the police.

"**Ow."**

**_"Hey you there! What do you think you are doing?! We're just here trying to do __our job and you guys throw robots at us.."_**

_All 3 of our heroes are, at this point, running rapidly in the opposite direction, mainly towards the Heart of Gold._

_The Heart of Gold is a huge white ship, in the shape of a sphere, apart from it's engine area (Which runs on the legendary improbability drive) with goes in a Huge concave angle._

"Thank God," Arthur cried, "We made it!"

"Computer! Take us off this planet!"

"**Sure thing guys, I'll be just over the moon with whatever programme you choose to run through me. Improbability Drive engaging..."**

_And thus, they were off._

"Oh no! Not you again!" Ford began to cry.

"**"I hate Improbability Drives..."**

_Where are our heroes off to now?_

_Will the police ever catch them?_

_Will they be re-united with Trillian?_

_When will we find out the purpose of this fanfic?_

_All (Might) be revealed in Fit the 4th of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy._


	4. Fit the 4th

_Fit the 4th_

_The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (as has already been established) is a wholly remarkable book that preys on the fact that the Universe is a big and, frankly, frightening place. Not only does it claim to reassure you with it's use of the words "Don't Panic" on the front cover, but it is inaccurate, or sometimes just inconclusive with it's entries. Take it's entry for the Galactic Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha (More commonly known as the Earth). Harmless. That is how it reads (The editors have still not managed to include Ford Prefects revision.), now, in a Universe with the size that it is, "Harmless" is slightly inconclusive. Is it Harmless compared to the Rafoolines of Trafenex whose idea of "A Good fight" is a flick round the ear? Or is it Harmless when compared to a being in the level of Ultimate God?_

_This shall not be answered in this fit._

_Nor in this Fan fiction._

"Hey Monkey Man," Zaphod called. "Have you see Trillian anywhere? Last, I heard, she was with some dumbass pervert, which I guessed to be you."

"Hey! How was I supposed to know she was a he whose bananas had fallen off the bongo tree?"

"Eh?" Asked Ford, clearly confused.

"Never Mind. Anyway, wasn't Tricia a news reporter or something?"

"Who you talking 'bout monkey features?"

"I think he means Trillian, in fact, I'm sure he means Trillian, if he doesn't mean Trillian then I will personally… I don't even know. Oh god I'm so depressed."

"Oh yeah...Damn. She went all Yankee Doodle on me and left to be some cruddy reporter. Man that sucks. Who wants a Gargle blaster? _Hey Computer!"_

"Hey guys and Welcome back, I thought you'd all forgotten about me, I think you might just like to know that…"

"Shut up Computer, I just want you to make me a Gargle blaster, k?"

"Sure thing Mr. Beeblebrox, But first I think that…"

"Hey, did I ask for you to chat to me? No. So just get me that Gargle blaster and be on with it."

_At this point, it should be explained that, due to Zaphod Beeblebrox's incapability to concentrate on anything other than himself for more that 10 seconds, the starship Heart of Gold is being followed by the Armed Police forces who just so want to lock up Zaphod once and for all. It does not matter to them that here are 3 others on the ship apart from Zaphod; just that Zaphod is there._

_They have been chasing Zaphod for quite a while now, and, so as to keep surprise and suspense levels low (due to it being a terrible cause of death in many parts of the galaxy), it shall now be told that, yes, this time, Zaphod Beeblebrox will be caught and put in jail._

_Jail;_

_A place where evildoers are kept, with a shoddy lifestyle. Deserved by many, although only the real bad guys are put away._

_Real Bad guys;_

_Anyone I don't like._

_So, that marks the end of tonight's fit._

_What will become of the other 3?_

_Where is Trillian?_

_And will this fanfic ever seem to have a purpose?_

_Should I give up and tell you now that this Fanfic will involve the Ultimate Question?_

_Find out tomorrow in Fit 5._


	5. Fit the 5th

**Fit the 5th.**

**_It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For Instance, when the inter-galactic president Zaphod Beeblebrox assumed that he was being chased by the Galactic police for the crime of stealing the infamous starship "Heart of Gold", he was only partially correct. He WAS being chased, and it was about the Heart of Gold, but it was NOT by the Police._**

****"Hey Computer, didja get that gargle blaster I asked you for?"

"Hey Zaphod…" Ford was looking out of the window.

"Yeah what is it Ix?"

"Well, for starters, stop calling me that, and 2…"

**"What Ford is trying to say is that, you're screwed Zaphod." **Marvin droned in the background.

"Hey what do ya mean…. Whoa, what was that?!"

The ship had suddenly lurched forward, causing both of Zaphod's to tangle around each other, and for all the crew to fall flat on the floor, face down.

**"Mmph mmph mmph" **

_**Quite simply translated as "Oh God, I'm so depressed."**_

****"That's what I was trying to tell you Zaphod! The police are chasing us! Well, you actually."

Arthur lurched forwards again.

Zaphod stared at him.

"What was that for Monkey Man? The Ship has stopped shaking."

**"Improbability Drive engaging…"**

"Hey man! Who pressed the button?"

…………………………………………………………………………….

"Did it work?" Arthur looked around. "Hey, where did Zaphod go? That's odd."

Suddenly a voice boomed towards them.

_"Hello and welcome to Big Brother."_

_**Where has Zaphod gone?**_

_**Where is Trillian?**_

_**Why didn't I reveal if this fanfic would involve the Ultimate Question?**_

_**What will happen now?**_

_**Find out in the next (Moderately) exciting fit of "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Fanfics."**_

****


	6. The Defintion

_**The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy;**_

_**A Definition**_

_**Reality TV **_

Avoid, if at all possible.

Reality Television is

Pointless

Annoying

Rude

Officious

Callous

Stupid

A lot of the time, it is just one of these descriptives, at the most, 2. But in one show on the Moetv station, (Traditionally broadcast on the planet Quazarr), it involved every single one of these descriptives and more (But the others cannot be safely translated, and, as such, I will not attempt to.) The Directors and producers, being the dumb bastards they are, thought it would be Good for viewing to see what would happen if a Bug Blatter Beast from Traal were let loose on the contestants.

All the contestants subsequently died.

This caused a terrible hoo-hah, and was widely regarded as a bad move, mainly on the producers part. This will generally die out soon, due to the fact of money. Many have tried to contact the Beast, and reports have said that he is very upset at his actions and generally wants to mope about.

The Beast is now being appointed for Knighthood by the Emperor of Traal.

I guess that helped out his feelings.


	7. Fit the 6th

**Fit the 6th (The Rather lame entry doesn't count as a Fit)**

_Pain. Unimagable Pain. It hit me all over, and as I lay there paralysed, I found it hard to breathe. The pain was in my chest, my throat, and most of all my head. It pounded and screamed at me, to let go, but I knew I couldn't. I tried to call for help, but I found myself incaple of doing so. My vision was blurred, and faded in and out of darkness. Through the haze there was red and white, no shapes or figures, just the colours. My eyes began to hurt, so I closed them to reduce the pain, it did not work though..._

"Somebody change the channel. This sounds rather depressing," Arthur exclaimed. "If I wanted to hear someone complain about pain I'd ask Marvin about his diodes, but I don't and so I shan't."

**_It has been exactly one week, and 34 mins since Arthur, Ford, and Marvin landed in the infamous reality TV show, Big Brother. Nothing much has happened to them, and much never will, for they are forced inside a tiny house with nothing to do and nowhere to go._**

****"**I wonder when we shall be let out, although I am not bored, for I have an exceptionally large mind with an almost infinite number of things to think about. I can see though that you are distressed. Think how it is to be me, with the pain in all the diodes down my left side..."**

**_Marvin is one of the most popular beings on the show this series, which happens to say a lot about it's viewers._**

****Ford was in the corner, being silent, which, for Ford Prefect, is an unnatural occurence. Suddenly, he jumped up, span around in a circle, then sat back down again.

"What on earth was that?" Arthur cried.

"Oh. Nothing really."

"Fair enough" Arthur looked puzzled.

Then, to FURTHER Arthurs puzzlement, Ford did the exact same thing again.

Seeing Arthurs puzzlement, Ford sighed.

"Alright you semi-simian Monkey brain, Heres the deal. Viewers like a good oddball, they like someone who seems absolutely bonkers-ly mad. They like someone who they can say "ZOMG, CAN YOU BEEEEELIEEEEVE HE JUST DID THAT?!!!" You understand?"

"No. But then, with you, I never do."

"Basically, NutjobWinner."

"Ahhhh... I still don't get it." Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Marvin started to shake uncontrollably, with sparks emerging from every crevasse on his body. Then, he stopped, and resumed with what he was doing before. Figuring out EXACTLY how big the Universe is.

"Mmmph Mmmph shudja?" Arthur's voice was muffled, coming from his hiding place under the sofa.

**"I know what you're trying to say, I can detect it in your speech pattern, and the answer to your question is, Because I was trying to think down to your level, but my mind cannot think down to that level. Shame that, as I am quite curious as to how your race is so stupid."**

About 5 millionths of a second after Marvin says that, the three heroes from our story, will not be in the Big Brother house anymore, but before you are told what happens to them, there is another, more important story to be told.

_**What is this story that must be told?**_

_**Is Arthur REALLY that stupid?**_

_**What has become of Zaphod?**_

_**And why have I still not got round to telling you if this involves the Ultimate Question?**_

_**All (Might) be answered in the next exciting installment of "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Fanfics"**_


	8. Fit the 7th

**That Other Story I told you I would tell you**

**(Otherwise known as Fit the 7th)**

**_The Hitchhiker's guide, in one of it's earlier editions, once said that_**

_**"Life is like a sewer, Whatever you put into it, the same crap always comes out." This, of course, angered the Zeerue people of Sentron 6, who bear a striking resemblance to human excrement, and, naturally, do not like being mentioned in the same breath as Sewers. This entry has been removed, as, although it did read good, the Guide could not afford to be sued, especially after the whole cereal box thing.**_

****Zaphod awoke, groggy and bound to a chair, in a dark room.

"Hey man, Where am I?" He tried to move, but found it hard to do so, "Wierder and wierder." He exclaimed.

There was no-one else in the room with him, unless the count the poor Zeeruit in the corner of the room. The poor sap got lost, and doesn't know where to go. Poor Ass.

"_I am Error."_ Zaphod looked around.

"Hey man, who said that? Show your face! I'm not in a good mood, what with being tied up and all."

"_I am Error." _At that point, a very odd looking Vogon appeared in the room with Zaphod. Zaphod could tell it was a Vogon due to the domed nose that rose high above his piggy forehead, but the bottom half of his body simply did not exist.

"You can say that again bud, something definetely went wrong down there."

"_I am Err... What do you mean?"_

"Take a look downwards bud."

Slowly, the Vogon lowered it's head.

"_Oh man, I never get this stuff right. Im so stupid at everything, I had a great job shouting a lot, but my aunt persuaded me to quit, and then I joined this lot. Oh what's the point..." _Then, to Zaphod's surprise, a Killozap 5000 appeared in the Vogon's hand.

"Hey man! Don't shoot me with that thing! I'm the President of the Galaxy, don't ya know?!" Then, to FURTHER Zaphods astonishment, The Vogon shot himself, with the gun falling to the floor. It was at the point the gun fell to the floor, that the Vogon vanished.

"Wierder and Wierder" Zaphod muttered to himself (and of course the Zeeruit), Zaphod spent the next couple of minutes getting free from the chair bindings (Including a very graphic and dirty technique involving the death of one poor Zeeruit by ropeburn).

"Great! Now... How do I get out of here?!"

_Where is Zaphod?_

_Why are Vogons involved?_

_Have I REALLY forgotten to include the Ultimate Question again?_

_I promise some of this will be answered in the next exciting installment of..._

_"The Hitchhikers Guide to the Fanfics"_

****


	9. Fit the 8th

**A Continuation of the story I told you I would tell you**

**(More commonly known as Fit the th)**

Zaphod looked around him, with what could only be described as two heads, and saw to his amazement that the door he had planned to escape from had disappeared. Completely vanished. Whoom Boom, and that was it. No more.

Well, of course I exaggerate a bit, there was "more" in the small 7' by 7' room, but that more could only be described as White. A colour to be precise, or, to be even more precise, a mixture of every single colour in every conceivable point in time. This of course, is mind boggling to imagine, and as such, it shall be referred to as "White."

"This reminds me of the Hagunenon ship from a while back," Zaphod whispered to himself, "just completely white, it's hard to tell where the walls are, except for the fact my shadow falls onto them, then bends slightly. But man dude, I just wonder how I'm gonna get outta here, I hope I don't die!"

As has already been recorded, Stress and nervous tension are serious problems in the outer rims of the galaxy, (Not to be confused with the species _Stresenervoostenshun _who are in fact, a rather jolly bunch from the Horsehead Nebula) to make sure that this does not become an issue here, the following facts will now be revealed.

Zaphod Beeblebrox WILL escape unharmed from the "White room"

He is the reason that our Hitchhikers unexplainably (Although now, it is rather explainably) vanish from the BB House, as referred to in the previous to the previous fit.

Zaphod will, eventually die. However, this is nothing to worry about, as so will everyone else in this fanfic, at one point or another. Not necessarily during the fanfic though.

---

"Have you checked on the prisoner yet you little Shuck-buckle? You little Norse-tickler you?"

"Me what sir?"

"You little Scrorf-Nugglet, You little Wart-giggler?"

"I'm really sorry Mr Zarniwhoop sir, but I have absolutely no idea, What the hell you are on about." The servant grew nervous, after all, everyone had heard the stories about the disappearing servants, after all, if 14 servants go missing in a week, one does start to suspect wrongdoings.

Although the fact that they were working at the edge of a square planet, and all deaf and blind might have contributed, but only after the 17 month enquiry will there be any definitive confirmation. The start date of the enquiry has been set for the Year 7,000,123.

This servant however, is not deaf or blind, just incredibly worried about what will happen next.

"What do you mean, you have no idea? I am telling you, you little ragamuffin-whizznozzlet, you go and check on the prisoner!"

"You want me, to go and check on the prisoner?"

"Yes servant, that is what I asked."

"Me? To go, and check on the prisoner?"

"Yes! Do you not understand what I am saying to you?!"

"Me? To go and check on the prisoner?" At this point, Zarniwhoop was getting extremely frustrated.

"Yes! And if you do not do it within the next five seconds, I will shoot your legs off!"

"Don't do that. It will hurt."

"That's the bloody point! Now go and check on the prisoner!"

"We have a prisoner?"

---

BOOOM!

"Hey yow! What was that?" At this time, Zaphod is lying down in the "White" room, unaware of what is happening. All he knows is, that he has been in the room for quite a while, and that, about 10 seconds ago, a loud Booming noise just came through the walls.

He stood up, trying to listen for another sound. However, nothing came. In a Universe as large as say, the one we live in, it is of course, highly unlikely that Zaphod didn't hear another noise. Noise, is after all, just vibrations, and, while vibrations seem to fade away into non-existence, they never actually do. They fade and fade and fade and fade and fade and fade and fade and fade, but never into non-existence.

So really, Zaphod heard the two young lovers making sweet sweet cookies, in their house on the nearest planet to him, he just took no notice.

"Hey hey baby! That's all mine... Hey wait, there's no one around. What was that awesome feeling then?" He looked down, and realised, that there was a knob right in front of him.

No, you sick, dirty minded people, a DOOR knob, and just in case you wondering, Zaphod's manly area has 2 heads just as well. 'Double the Pleasure' as they say. However, neither of them function properly, and such the real reason for his 3rd arm is shown.

Continuing on with the story would seem appropriate at this time, and as such, we shall;

Zaphod twisted the knob, and looked left and right, (Which you should aways do when you're crossing the inter-galactic highway children!) but there was nothing in the halls.

One of the things that struck him, was the colour scheme of the corridor. Not only was it a start contrast to the White beforehand, but it was constantly moving. The Colours were staying the same, but were moving, so say, there was a part of the wall that was a mauvey-shade of pinky ruscet in one part of the wall, then suddenly it would whip onto the ceiling.

"Ok. Now. Which way do I go man?!"

As this longer fit of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Fanfics draw to a close, a number of questions are left unanswered.

How will Zaphod escape?

How will he rescue our other Hitchhikings friends?

At what point will he pick up an old friend who's name happens to rhyme with Zillion?

And have I really forgot to include the Ultimate Question again?

All shall be answered in the next exciting episode of the "Hitchhikers Guide to the Fanfics."


	10. A Definition

**The Hitchhikers Guide**

**A Definition**

**Lazy-Ass Fanfic writers.**

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a very strange book. It can have whole pages devoted to something as tedious as "Making a Cup of Tea - The Proper Way" By Arthur Dent, and it can have less than a line devoted to whole Planets, For example, the Planet Zarniak. Which was summed up in just 3 words "Great for Virgins."

This is due to a number of reasons. Some things, really don't warrant explanation. After all, Not everybody knows exactly how the species of Edaarr have 3 sexual outer organs, and yet still managed to die out 3 minutes into the Universe's creation, but then again, Not everybody wants to.

Others however, are continuously brought up at Hitchhiker Conventions, as they do not have a Definition in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. One such question frequently asked by the Modern Interstellar Hitchhiker, is "Why do some Fanfiction Writers start writing an exceptionally brilliant story, involving all my favourite characters, but then suddenly...Disappear?"

The answer has been widely disputed amongst the bosses at "Fanfics 'R' Us-Your fanfictions made Ready to Read", but the answer that comes up most often is this.

The average fanfiction writer is a Lazy-Ass bugger.

This verdict was reached, not because of many nights spent awake contemplating the matter, but because there was once a Fanfiction Writer. His name was Phillipe. And he wrote what were widely regarded as some of the best stories in the Galaxy. Until he got bored, stopped writing, and eventually ran off to join the circus.

He now works as a Lion Tamer in the Russian State Circus.

Or rather, the correct word would be "Worked". As, one day, He got bored of that as well, and left the circus. Whilst in the middle of a highly dangerous act, he calmly held the Tiger's head, and announced that he would be leaving to research some matters that "Were highly important" to him, and that "Needed Finishing."

The Tiger of course, did not understand a word that was said. And ate him accordingly.

This is, of course, unshakeable evidence, that all those born with Brilliant minds, are prone to suffer horrible deaths. Or to go and work in a Circus. Either way, The consequences are the same.

You wear Funny shoes and a lot of make-up.


End file.
